Nowadays, I hear these complaints from parents all the time that kids don’t listen, they don’t talk with us, they are not involved in family conversations. After school kids just go to their rooms and don’t come out until dinner time. I don’t deny any of these complaints but before going too far I just want to look at the other side.
Have we thought about how carefully we as a parent listen when our kids are talking with us? Here are some questions for parents on listening skills or involvement in their kid’s day-to-day life:
- 1. When your child is telling you about school friends, how carefully do you listen? What are the names of your child’s three best friends?
- 2. Can you recall any incidents your child shared with you about those friends?
- 3. What is the name of your child’s History teacher?
- 4. Which subject is your child being tested on today? And how well-prepared is your child for it?
- 5. What extra activities is your child part of? When is the next meeting or event regarding those activities?
- 6. What was your reaction when your child told you about his day or what happened in school today? Did you give advice on what to do and what not to do, or did you imagine yourself in that situation as a 13-year-old?
- 7. When your child came to you asking about something while you were on your phone, what did you do?
- 8. What is the latest trend your child shared with you? Or, what is the latest online game your child is playing and with whom?
- 9. Have you had any conversations with your child regarding current news?
- 10. What was the funniest story your child told you recently, and did you all laugh together?
Solution:
If you don’t know the answers to these questions, then it’s not too late to start listening consciously from today.
The only way to start actively listening is by looking into their eyes when they are talking. Don’t be on the phone, thinking you can multitask. You can multitask at some other time like while watching TV or cooking, it’s not something you should do with your kids. Don’t talk with someone on the phone or reply to emails and chats when your kid is trying to tell you something. Don’t tell kids, “Wait, let me finish this, and I will be with you,” more than three times. You have already tested his patience by saying “wait” three times. Don’t complain if your child explodes with anger the fourth time he tries to tell you something. Whatever your child is trying to tell you is very important for him at that age and in that moment. You must make it a priority to listen to him/her. They know you are listening to them when you are looking at them.
Once you start listen to your kids, your kids will start listening to you because you are creating a special bond with you kids when you are paying attention to them. It makes them feel important and grows their self respect. Kids become calmer and open to ideas if they know their parents are trusting them and they automatically starts listening. Kids will listen to you when they believe in you and when they know you got their back. So when your kids are talking, look at them, participate in the conversations by asking questions and you will see they will do the same.
Conclusion:
Eye contact is the most valuable gift nowadays.